Unrealistic Promises
We workaholics make so many promises that no human being could possibly keep them. That is one of the ways we keep ourselves feeling bad about ourselves.
~Lynn~
Do you ever feel that way? I know I have at times. Try to be everything to everyone except myself. Trying to be super mom/parent, employee extraordinaire, wife/sex goddess, sister, friend, organizer/planner, volunteer and the list can go on. I know I have done this to myself. But I can assure you I didn't do them all well at the same time. Something had to give. And for me at times, it was my family.
If I was organizing something for work that was where my focus was. In the back of my mind I was thinking how can I be here and still cook dinner for the kids. Their father had to step up to the plate on more than one occasion.
Having a career is wonderful, being successful at what we do is even better. But what is the price we pay to get there? And at the end of the day, is that truly where we wanted to be?
I don't know, I don't have the answers, sometimes I wish I did. Finding that balance I guess is what it is all about, and not feeling guilty in saying no. No I just can't do anymore, my plate is full. How wonderful that would be!
17 comments:
Saying "no" is one of the hardest things to do esp if we want to please others and make them happy. But you're right - it's about having the right balance and priorities and knowing just what we can juggle while still being the best we can be.
I never realized, while I was working, how much I took on. Once I "retired," I finally learned to prioritize and say no to a lot of things I really didn't want to do. The hardest was saying no to husband because he always expected me to do things just because I'm "smart" and know how to do things. Some days I just say NO to everything and sit around in my nightgown blogging! How's that for not taking on the world.
My new philosophy is: In the whole vast scheme of things, all those many tasks we take upon ourselves to accomplish do not mean diddly-squat. What we say and do for our loved ones, now that's what really matters. So what if the house isn't organized or your job isn't organized (as long as the patients aren't in jeopardy). All these things will be there tomorrow and DON'T HAVE TO BE DONE RIGHT NOW OR TODAY.
We only live one life and each day spent not enjoying it is wasted and gone forever. So enjoy.
Hi RN,
I'm just as guilty...with intentions that are always sincere. :-)
After episodes of recent years, it's like I've been given a second chance at my writing ambitions and am ready to chase my dreams all over again. (sigh!)
the older I get the less I feel like saying no to myself and yes to everyone else...I think going through menopause helps free us from that nonesense...lol!!
:-D
All I can say ladies is at least we are learning and attempting to break the cycle. Thank you all for your wonderful comments.
Happy Sunday!
When I look back, I wonder how I ever did it...wearing so many hats all at once. Now that the boys are moved away, no longer do any volunteer work and have no demands on my time, I'm finally enjoying MY life and just doing what I want to do:-) I've had to learn to say "no"...hard to do but I'm finally learning to take care of me for a change! Have a wonderful day! Hugs xox
Saying no isn't as hard as you may think. The first couple times is the worse and from there it gets easier. After awhile you quit having to say it.
Been there and done that too. I used to believe that, unless I did what people wanted, they would not like me. It took a while to learn that I'm worth liking just the way I am. Not everyone does, but now the ones that do really do like me and are not just using me. Saying 'No' is more difficult an caving in, but it's worth the effort.
shoot i could say "no" at 7 months of age and have been saying it ever since. you see, i really don't care who likes me or not! and you know what? if they don't, well then, that makes more room in my life for people i can be comfortable around! you see how it works? now i realize you can't do this with your family, but they will respect an honest "no" also, try it and see what i mean... (and honey, did you find odat's diary in here? i told her i found it but i am still looking. i think melon got his hands on it!! drat...) bee
Hi RN,
You have been hiting at THE existential problem of modern wome;
I'am so many things to everyone around me,that I'am not sure anymore where I AM ...
I have a lot going on at home, too.
I don't work, but I have a 7 day a week of occupation with my 78 year old father-in-law.
Anyone that has lived with ot taken care of the elderly knows that.
I just try to take life DAY by DAY, and put priorities.
Take care .
Learning to say 'no' is like picking your battles with teenagers! That's the way I look at it now and it has become much easier for me this way.....now I only promise what I know I can follow through with!
This what i have been learning on my counselling course at the mo! not just making unrealistic promises but unrealistic goals, what we could never achieve and are then disappointed with ourselves. So hopefully i can break the cycle now, instead of later on in my life. Although its going to be very hard!
Claire
Boy, reading that post almost makes me think you were here, in my house, eavesdropping on a conversation my son and I had the other day!
We were talking about how things were when he and his sisters were all at home, still in school, etc., and rough spots during that time period. I told him that at the time, when I was working fulltime, peddling Avon, trying to keep the house somewhat together, he and his sisters often had to take a back seat to MY priorities, or at least, what I thought were my priorities then.
Fortunately, he understood now, as he did then, what was needed. My older daughter, at times, is still somewhat resentful of what she and her siblings had to concede to my needs for keeping a roof over our heads and food on the table. The younger girl looks at things that happened then more like her brother does - fortunately for me!
There was no real balance then as the scales were tipped against that from the beginning, but somehow we muddled through it all.
Unfortunately women are expected to be everything to everyone. I hope you break away from this and learn to say no. It is very liberating when you finally do but it does take a while to get over the guilt.
I think I must echo all those who've said " that finding the balance" is the true key. I find it easier to say "no" as I age. I also know more what will make me happiest and do the most good.
Great post!
:)
I don't know how women manage to juggle careers and parenting. *Hugs*
It gets tiresome to try to make the world right for everyone, so I'm starting to say no to others and yes to myself.
I think of it as preparing them to be able to cope when I'm gone :)
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