I learnt this little song in Girl Guides " Make new friends but keep the old, one is Silver and the other is Gold". At the time I learnt it I never really understood what it meant. Why would I substitute one friend for another?When I was in elementary, I hung out with the same girls right up until early high school. I thought we would always be together. It wasn't until I got older and my circle of friends changed that I realize life is not static. It is ever changing. So do my friends.
I have never been one to have a large number of close friends. I have many acquaintances but true and close friends no. When I was in junior high school, I had a girlfriend who I thought we would be buddies for ever and ever. For two years, we did everything together. Then my parents decided to change my school. My friend and I stayed in touch for a year the best we could. We both lived on different parts of town and I went to school even farther away, so getting together was becoming difficult. Our friendship started to dwindle. We had made a promise to each other that our first daughter would be named after each other. Well I was the first one to have a child and lo and behold it was a girl and I did name her after my friend. We somehow managed to keep in contact as she found out I had a child and we ended up meeting for lunch, her mother had knitted my daughter a sweater, we shared some stories had a lovely time together and then it was time to go. We promised each other that we would try and stay in contact, but that was the last time I saw my friend. I never knew if she ever had a daughter or if she did if she named her after me.
When I worked in the office, I became very good friends with my supervisor. So much so that she was the godmother to my eldest daughter and I was the maid of honour at her wedding. Over the 20 years that we have known each other we have shared many laughs and tears. We took vacations together, we played on teams together, we raised our children together. Then she moved about a 3 hour drive away. That didn't stop us. We continued our friendship. As a family we would go visit her and her family in the winter and we would all go skiing and then in the spring we would have driveway parties at her home and in the summer we would go to her place on the lake and camp and water ski. We truly have a bond. She is an extremely busy lady and is always involved in many volunteer committees. She also just finished her Master in business administration and is now building her own consulting firm. She is an amazing woman, one that I have always aspired to. But as a result of all of this, we have seen less and less of each other. We have made plans to get together, but through no fault of of our own plans have fallen through. She is still Gold to me.
In my nursing career, I to have made some very good friends and many acquaintances. Again, I thought some of those friendships would last forever. There was a group of us that would do birthday lunches together, Christmas , we always seemed to be there for each other. Then when I moved to the island and remarried many of those friendships dwindled. I have some wonderful memories of times spent together. I guess I will call those Silver.
Now here I am on the island. I have been here two years come February. I have made no new friends but acquaintances. I work in a community far from where I live so I don't see much of my colleagues other than at work. I live in a very rural community and haven't connected with anyone primarily due to my work schedule. I am going to join the volunteer fire department this spring so I am anticipating connecting with some new folks.
It has finally come to me what that little song meant. I have lived it. I treasure all the people who have come into my life. I have shared lots of fun times with so many and some very sad times with a close few. They are all valuable friendships to me. Some just hold a place of gold in my heart and others silver.
What about you? Has this been true for you in your life?
21 comments:
What a beautiful post. I have a small handful of close friends, but I can attribute that to being in the same town for my entire life. (Deep roots don't like to be pulled up).
My best friend and I met in kindergarten, and despite the ravages of unpleasant spouses and odd work schedules, we've managed to remain close for over 40 years.
But that's only because we're living in the same town in which we grew up. Our children attend the same schools we did, and they are all good friends as well.
Some I've met as "recently" as seven years ago, but because of our similar backgrounds, we made up for lost time and have a wonderful rock-solid friendship.
But I can also look back and see people who left the area and didn't keep in touch. I miss most of them, and I'm curious about how all of them are doing.
I remember that song from Girl Scouts... Thanks for giving me the opportunity to look at my "treasures" one more time.
Yeap! The story of my life you took the words out of my mouth. None of my friends before blogging blog that I know of. I do get an occasional email, but I can't see inside their lives like they can mine. Weird huh? Or maybe they do blog and I just don't know it.
well i got two of my friends to start blogging but they aren't "real" bloggers, yet anyway, you know the type, they blog once a week and wonder why there aren't a bunch of comments, sigh.... anyway, did i leave odat's diary here? yesterday i was reading it when she wasn't looking and now i can't find it and the poor little thing is gonna' get her panties in a knot i just know it, so do you mind? helping me find it that is? thanks honey, i thought you'd do it. sigh... she's gonna' be MAD at me.... bee
A Bob Dylan song that I've always liked is called "Dylan's Dream":
While riding on a train goin' west
I feel asleep for take my a rest
I dreamed a dream that make me sad
Concerning myself and the first few friends I had.
With half-damp eyes I stared to the room
Where my friends and I spent many an afternoon
Where we together weathered many a storm
Laughin' and singing 'till the early hours of the morn'.
By the old wooden stove where our hats was hung
Our words were told, our songs were songs
Where we longed for nothin' and were satisfied
Joking and talking about the world outside.
With haunted hearts through the heat and cold
We never thought we could ever get very old
We thought we could sit forever in fun
Our chances really was a million to one.
As easy it was to tell black from white
It was all that easy to tell wrong from right
And our choices they were few and the thought never hit
That the one road we traveled would ever shatter and split.
How many a year has passed and gone
Many a gamble has been lost and won
And many a road taken by many a first friend
And each one I've never seen again.
I wish, I wish, I wish in vain
That we could sit simply in that room again
Ten thousand dollars at the drop of a hat
I'd give it all gladly if our lives could be like that.
Okay, so that's maybe a bit sentimental, but sometimes I wallow in that kind of thing.
The internet has connected me with a couple of long-lost friends, and I'm ever so greatful for that. One is a childhood school-mate who now lives in Vancouver. We were never the best of friends growing up (and we haven't seen each other since 10th grade), but we have become fast friends, sharing a love of words and art and a similar view of the world. Someday I hope to make the long trip out there and give her a *real* hug.
In another case, good friends (husband and wife) of many years shifted politically and religiously back to their apparent conservative upbringing and became absolutely hostile when I raised questions about the wisdom of invading Iraq. I was honestly trying to sort out what was true and right, not criticizing anybody, but their children both went to West Point, and they took great offense at my questions. They wrote to me that they didn't want "to hear any more of my shit," and I have never seen or heard from them ever again. Sad, but time for some different friends.
People change, circumstances change. I hope that you meet some good folks in the fire department (if friends you seek).
I guess the best one can do is to be a friend to those people who matter to you, but realize that some friendships will be long and meaningful, and some will not.
By the way, I live in the States, but through doing my family genealogy I have "met" many Canadians (Quaker Loyalist roots). Some I eventually got to know in the flesh. I have a very soft spot in my heart for your country.
Cheers!
Nice post! My Amber sings this song....she learned it in school from the music teacher.....she sings it to ME.....
Hugs, my friend!
Wonderful! The kind of long-lasting, genuine friendship you have found is truly rare and precious. Continue to nurture and delight in it! =)
A thoughtful essay.
I had three very close friends when growing up. Vietnam happened. One moved to Canada to escape the draft, and we lost touch. One volunteered for the service, and one was drafted. I became a mid-level leader in the anti-vietnam war movement. Ironically, the volunteer and I remained close. We exchanged letters, and when he went to Vietnam, he came to hate the war as much as I did. The draftee was furious at me for opposing the war, but he stayed close to the volunteer, so I was able to keep up with his doings. Both were killed there.
I like to think I have many friends who are at least above the "acquaintance" range. But I KNOW I have three who are absolute GOLD!
One, is the girl who grew up two doors from me and we were friends from the very beginning of being able to form such relationships. Today, she lives 3 doors down from me, we don't see each other often, rarely call each other on the phone either, but still I know where our friendship is - still there, rock solid as it was about 60 years ago when it first began.
The second is the above mentioned girl's oldest sister! Who I tease that she is my "oldest" friend. Yes, I have friends who are older in years than she is but she is an older friend even than is her younger sister, simply because she "knew" me from the day I entered the world, same as she knew her little sister. Both these women are there for me through thick and thin -always have been and I have no doubt, they always will be and they know too, that is how I feel about them as well!
The other is someone I met 43 years ago when I started a new job in Washington, D.C. While I worked there, she and I developed a very strong friendship and though we don't have much opportunity to see each other, generally phone each other maybe once or twice a year, but each time we are back in contact, it is like it was yesterday that I moved away from the D.C. area instead of it now being 35 years this summer! Yep, definitely a gold rating on her too!
The silver friends are good, excellent to have, but nothing, absolutely nothing, beats having a couple in the gold range!
I would have to say most of my friends are long time friends since I was born in this town and lived here my whole life. They are gold..
Beautiful post!
I don't have many old friends. I moved a lot when I was young and didn't have many friends in high school.
I have two dear friends who both live out of state and are very busy. We do our best to stay in touch but it isn't easy.
I have one friend here but she is a busy single mom and we don't see each other much.
All my other friends and I have drifted apart.
I am a loner so all of this doesn't bother me too much.
Hi and thanks for your encouraging words at life in westcliffe. I will get busy on blogging as quickly as I can get the time. My 21 year old son is taking a semester hiatus from college and coming home. The ER....need I say more about a place to work. And we are looking at a house in the mountains or further into the mountains and if so we will be showing the house we are in and that is so exhausting ! But I will continue to drop by and visit you. I visit Janet every day and may see you there. Love your posts! My son is very interested in coming to Vancouver to live and work. He wants a change. He may go into being a forest ranger . So far he has majored in History/Anthropology, Criminal Justice and he is only a Jr ! Does anyone know what they want to be when they grow up, at age 21? I did, but I fought it from time to time, and nursing was such an oppressed profession in the late 1960's and 1970's when I was in college. Better now. So regards to you my smalltown RN new friend. If you want to email Janet she can give you my email. I don't see one on here for you. And I don't know if it is safe to leave it unprotected here on the blog site... know what I mean?
Very interesting, and very similar to my own story. Funny thing about rural communities, despite all the talk about how friendly country people are, they seem to be a closed shop. I live in a very small country town, but come from the largest city in Oz, so they don't trust me.
btw Episode 4 will be posted later today.
I'm sure it's happened with most people. Friends change and so do we. People move away and make promises that never seem to last as long as you'd hoped.
I can't remember the saying I wanted to use here, but it's something about how people come into your life and leave it as well. They all serve a purpose. They bring something to your life.
Imagine how your life would be had you not made friends with those wonderful people.
Just a note to let you know the next episode of the Wolfbaby Soap is now up at my place
That is a beatiful way of describing friendships. Take care.
What a very nice post.... it really touched my heart... old friends are surely pure gold in our life.... true friends are like angels on earth ....i would surely love to visit your blog again.... well u can sometimes drop by My Friendship Blog and have a glimpse of something u may find interesting....!!!
Hi RN,
I have made many mistakes with relationships in my life but learnt well from them. I remember my friends easily from childhood - those who cared and were good & in passing, all left roses on my pathway that have never wilted over the years. They stay fresh in the memory.
As I evolved through different experiences, I found that sometimes I outgrew friends and was even relieved at the 'death' of what I considered to be 'stagnant relationships' - those to whom I could no longer relate.
Now through music, a teleplay scene or a whiff of a scent, I may suddenly a friend that came and went and sometimes in recalling the love of a friendship, tears still start in my eyes. A friendship that is no more but in sadness, there is still sweetness.
I'm at a time in my life where I make an effort to maintain relationships that are precious to me, knowing how important they are.
I hope many will now stay with me for the long-haul. It's so much easier to keep in touch with media technology, thank God.
As I head on to my writing dreams, I expect to make many more friends along the way. Serious-minded ones.
What a beautiful post. Thank you, RN.
What a heartfelt post. True friendship is rare these days. If you have it, cherish it.
Thank you for your comments on Uncle Artemus post.
The article that he linked to regarding cyber bullying was written by my son.
I have a few close friends... the woman I blog with, a girl I went to college with, and a friend I've had since middle school 28 years ago. It amazes me that we've been able to remain constant presences in each other's lives. Through marriages, children, divorces, distance, and illness, we've developed our own sort of "marriage". Like spouses who've been together for ages, we know what each other are thinking without needing to say a word...
I loved this post and it made me look back at the friendships I've had and lost throughout the years. It saddens me to say that I have no true friends left from my past...although I was so close to some of them, between moving away and such, we eventually lost contact. It's only been in the last 5 years that I have found two wonderful friends that I'm very close to and that I either see or talk to every day:-) Hugs xox
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