My middle daughter is visiting right now. She called just out of the blue yesterday afternoon...."mom can I come to visit"......of course! Was my quick response. I know when she calls me out of the blue like that, she is looking for some grounding and a place to escape to, a place where she can get away from the hurried life of the city. I know she likes to come see me, she loves the environment to which I live and the different adventures it brings her.This trip is not just all about having an adventure or chillin.....she wants me to assist her with getting registered for college. She's been out of high school for a year now and has been working...but she is quickly realizing that she wants more than serving tables for the rest of her life.
Isn't it funny we spend 12 years in school being told that we must prepare for our future....like my daughter I had know idea what I wanted to be....why is that....we are presented with so many options....why is it so hard for us to make up our minds which career path we should take?
All during her high school years she was drawn to the arts and film. In actual fact one of the films she produced and directed won an award. It seemed almost natural that she would pursue this as a career path. She registered for a program in Film/Broadcasting and had been accepted....she changed her mind. She then said she wanted to get into Real Estate but she is to young to get into that right now. Personally I think she would do fabulous in Real Estate....she loves to talk, and she could sell you almost anything...she is very determined and strong minded. So that is something possibly down the road. I think the market is saturated with agents right now....but then......I haven't done my homework on that so I can't really comment. The next 
area she is thinking is becoming a Personal Trainer...she is crazy into fitness....there is a 2 yr Diploma program at the college which she is thinking she might like to get into. Again, I think that is ok, but I think she would have to check out the market for employment opportunities in that field of work.
area she is thinking is becoming a Personal Trainer...she is crazy into fitness....there is a 2 yr Diploma program at the college which she is thinking she might like to get into. Again, I think that is ok, but I think she would have to check out the market for employment opportunities in that field of work.
The way the job market is right now you can get any job.....actually I am trying to convince her to learn a trade....welding, pipe fitting, construction, drywalling....anything in the construction field they are screaming for qualified people and are paying crazy salaries to get them.....then there is health care....now I know she doesn't want to be a RN like her mom, but I suggested that she look at becoming a Radiologist technician or an ultrasound tech, or lab tech....all of these jobs are in high demand. I have also tried to suggest she get her Industrial First aid and Worksafe qualifications and be the safety officer at job sites.Here is my problem.....she is motivate to go to school .....awesome......but I fear that she isn't really seeing the big picture the long term plan.....her future....any of those jobs are careers in the making....good jobs, great pay and benefits.....but she seems to be focusing on becoming a personal trainer.
The sensible side of me says...this is her life....she must choose her path.....then I say to myself... she did come to me for advice.
So tell me, how do I find a balance between giving her advice and not try to tell her what I think she should do? I think that would be a huge mistake and potentially alienate her from me on this topic...and I don't want that. Oh it is such a tough one....any suggestions folks......My eldest daughter is at the same point...she has asked me to help get her registered for a program for the fall...and again she has no idea what she wants. There is a part of me that just wants to do it for them get them registered for the program tell them where the need to be and when....and to some degree I think they want me to do this for them.....but they are grown and should be making their own minds...with my guidance if that is what they want. But it is such a fine line....guidance, instructing, advising, can be so easily misconstrued as ordering, telling, or intruding. Oh the joys of it all.....
So tell me, how do I find a balance between giving her advice and not try to tell her what I think she should do? I think that would be a huge mistake and potentially alienate her from me on this topic...and I don't want that. Oh it is such a tough one....any suggestions folks......My eldest daughter is at the same point...she has asked me to help get her registered for a program for the fall...and again she has no idea what she wants. There is a part of me that just wants to do it for them get them registered for the program tell them where the need to be and when....and to some degree I think they want me to do this for them.....but they are grown and should be making their own minds...with my guidance if that is what they want. But it is such a fine line....guidance, instructing, advising, can be so easily misconstrued as ordering, telling, or intruding. Oh the joys of it all.....
So there you have it ....my conundrum for the day......
14 comments:
Well, they're gonna' do what they're gonna' do...at least our three daughters have. With all the education we have none of the three has a degree! You can lead a horse to water, and all, but. . .
Good luck!
I feel for ya. My son is struggling t o find his way. He went to CSU Pueblo for a semester. Pissed that away. Then was gung ho and took a class at cc. Been working in a warehouse for a year now and finally think he's got his belly full of that. So maybe....
Maybe what? Haven't a clue.
Hello there! Found you through Josie. I would have visited sooner but have been really sick with GERD and also some traveling.
Well, my son fiddled his scholarship away. But finally joined the Navy. Got his degree from the University of Maryland while in the services. Thank God. All is well.
They don't seem to want to listen to us! Maybe just make some suggestions and then hope for the best! Good luck with that!
Donnetta
Thanks for stoppin by today! Check my real' blog, The Lone Beader to see the progress of my latest piece. Your hubby might like my beadwork, too... I made a beaded Datsun pickup truck, a beaded Chevy fire truck, and now I'm workin' on a bus:)
See ya 'round:)
It's great that they came to you for advice. However, as you will soon find out, they will do what they want to do. My son pissed his education away -- and he had the very best opportunities (another story for another day) -- and now he's working at a job a laborer with no education could do. My daughter, who graduated magna cum laude from her university with a degree in music after six years, is a stay-at-home-mother who prefers to have babies, home school her children, and let husband make all the decisions.
Like your other commenter said, you can lead them to water but you can't live your dreams through them.
In the final analysis, you will be proud of your children no matter what they do or accomplish just because they are your children.
You can't make decisions for them -- you can only point them in the right direction. Advice? Tell them to work hard in school and the answer will come to them all in good time.
You know, as far as a definite "Career choice" type of advice thing, if all the things the girls are looking at as a potential choice involve college, why not get them registered at a college they like, etc., for general type classes? I think all colleges have the same type of base criteria (Penn State calls them "Gen Ed Courses") that every student has to take x-number of credits in specific areas of study to get a degree of any type, so schedule some classes that would play into the gen ed stuff and then, once they're there, studying, let them experiment with their likes and dislikes.
My first college advisor told college students may register in a major they are sure will be the one they will finish up in but almost every student eventually changes their focus, their choice of a major is rarely what they began with then.
That way, you're helping them to "register" but letting them then be responsible for the ultimate decisions of which path to follow for their career of choice.
It's so hard when we want to tell them what WE think they should do. I always want to pave the way and make it smooth for my daughters, and they're both married!
But the great thing is that wherever the course work begins for yours, there will be new things to learn and insights to gain that will ultimately bring clarity to their plans.
Sometimes we just have to say "I trust you" through a gritted-teeth smile, and then act like we mean it. They'll remember our faith in them more than they'll remember the advice sometimes.
Your daughters are lucky to have you as their Mom.
I can't be of much help here. I'm still not 100% sure what I want to be when I grow up.
When I got my degree years ago I simply picked something that I wanted to learn because I knew that only 15% of college graduates used their degree in their work.
Times may have changed but maybe you could suggest a liberal arts college where she'll have to take a little of everything, and then she can choose a major when she finds something she likes.
Great advice from you all...thank you.....you are right, I will be proud of them in what ever they chose to do....I am proud of them already....they are harding working, caring and loving people...it's the old adage you don't want them to have to experience the difficulities that we did....I went back to school full time when my eldest was 3 1/2 and my middle daughter was only 8 months old....it was the toughest thing I ever did.....but I did it because in the long run I knew it was best for me and hence best for them....but I wouldn't wish the hard times I experienced on them....I have always encouraged them to take liberal arts...that way they are just exposed to the environment and with that maybe they would find their way....but you are all right...it is their lives...and live it they wil....again thank you for your wonderful comments.
Your daughters are lucky to have you!!
Don't have the answers, but I do agree that 'you can lead 'em to water but you can't make 'em drink.'
They are going to do what they'll do.
I was that way. My mom (when I was colleging the first time) wanted me to do pick the best degree - stick with it - get a career - - all I wanted to do was quit school and get married. So I did.
Now, 20 years later I've finally discvoered what it is I want to do.
She couldn't make me understand life at that time. But I understand now.. and I remember her loving me through it.
Your daughters will remember too. The choices are theirs. I know it's hard - I have one starting college next year. It scares the heck outa me. The heck.
Did I say the heck. 'cause I mean the heck.
HUGS!!!!!!!!!! :)
I think since she came to you for advice, give her "advice" without being overly parental. ie : Approach her as you would a valued friend.
It's hard to know what to do. I value an education, and I think everyone should have the opportunity to have an advanced education. An education is more than just training, it's the key to the world. But when you're young, it's hard to decide.
Keep us posted. I'm interested to know what happens.
Cheers,
Josie
Here's a suggestion. Start asking questions, and don't stop until they tell you what it is that they want to do. When they do, validate. :-)
If they go to school for liberal arts for the first year or so...they will be able to explore all kinds of different options. I went to a liberal arts college and it was great, I was really able to get a broad look at the different majors out there and figure out what I liked the most...for me, that was psychology.
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