Some Friday Ramblings......

Well I did it....I passed. There was no grade on this just a pass or fail. The instructor who tested me for my practical part said I did very well and that I just forgot one thing.....I was amazed.....I just wanted to puke after the practical portion....I was so tense....I know we all were...one of my colleagues actually went to the bathroom to be sick after her testing......but now it is done for another 2 years....dear god I don't know why I put myself through this.

You know what was weird about it all....I didn't start to get nervous until the day of the exam...but my anxiety level just hit the roof. So when it was all over and I arrived home, I was just a wreck....tense...knots in my stomach.....I think I bordered on an anxiety attack. Hubby finally arrived home and asked me what was wrong....I tried to tell him...then I just started to cry....yup ....I cried. He held me and then he started to laugh....don't know why he laughed....but it made me laugh...which was a good thing. After the hug I felt somewhat better but still knots....so what do I do when I am tense or stressed.....you got it....I clean.....I vacuumed, dusted, cleared the window sills, got on my hands and knees and got into the corners, cleaned the bathrooms and put on laundry. I then decided that I was going to cook. Hubby had brought home some Halibut steaks...he was going to bar-b-que them but I volunteered to cook. Having never cooked a Halibut steak...onto the Internet I went looking for a recipe..the one I choose was for grilling the halibut. I made a base of fresh squeezed orange juice, Worcestershire sauce, butter and fresh ground pepper.....I based the steaks and let them broil...whilst that was cooking I made some lemon and herbed rice.....sauteed zucchini, red peppers and mushrooms in a basil and olive oil base.....it all turned out really well...I was pleased as was hubby.

After cleaning up after dinner, I thought I would make some of my cards...which I did....still feeling tense I was hoping that is would ease my mind. It did. For a bit. Until silly me went and watched a documentary on the airplane crash that took place in 1972 with a KLM jet and a Pan Am jet, 600 people lost their lives in that crash. Apparently is considered one of aviation worst airline tragedies. These two planes collided whilst on the ground...the Pan Am flight was grounded waiting for instruction and the KLM plane was taxiing the runway in preparation for take off.....it was so very tragic.....I cried.

I went to bed after that....had a very restless night....up at 0200 till 0430. I finally got off to sleep...only to be awoken by a bad dream.....tears where streaming down my face. The bases of the dream was that my youngest daughter and I were visiting the zoo. We were at the reptile area....the care person said my daughter could go in and pet the turtles......and so she did....then up from behind came an alligator....he grabbed her sandal...she was able to get away....but as she was running it grabbed her from behind.....I jumped into the tank to try and save her...I was pounding on the alligator....people were standing around just watching....my ex was there...just watching...I was screaming to him to do something to get help...to throw me something....he didn't do anything......I woke up......tears running down my face. I wanted my husband to be there to comfort me....he wasn't he was up and didn't hear me. I felt abandoned. I felt like I couldn't trust anyone. I have always been fascinated by dreams and the meaning of dreams as I have always had very vivid dreams. So I looked up interpretations...in a nutshell...dreaming of an alligator or crocodile is not a good sign. It can mean I fear a decision that is going to take place, or someone I trust is going to betray me....or even....I could be mistrusting my own feelings...whatever it is....it was disturbing, and I am still struggling to get the vision of that dream out of my head.

So this morning, I put laundry on the line.....cleaned the house....made a couple more cards...and now I am going for a run. I hope the run will clear my head. Hubby just wanted me to sleep and relax. I told him I wanted to go and paint the suite....he said no. He wins....so I will run ....and then maybe get my hair done.

Sorry this has been all so scattered.....but I just have these overwhelming feelings that I just can't put my finger on, and that disturbs me. More times than not when I have been feeling this way, bad news has followed, and I really don't want any bad news today! I want to leave this post off on a positive note.....So here is what the sun looked like this morning...

What a great day to be alive!!!!

Cheers all and Happy Friday!