Our trip North Part I

I've been on holidays for a week now. My first week was spent doing odd chores around the house. We had our roof redone and hence we needed to be home. It was great to get it done, I don't know about you but I really don't' like having strangers working on my home. I mean these men didn't give me reason for concern about theft or anything, it's just that I like my space. One of the issues for us is that living in the country and out of sight, we don't have window coverings on any windows....none, zippo. So I had to be organized in the mornings I had to be up showered and dressed before the roofers arrived at 0800. It was all worth it in the end. We have our new roof and I am a very happy camper.

Saturday arrived and we were up and at it early as that tends to be our norm these days. I don't think I had my first latte, when hubby said the infamous words "Road Trip". With that I rushed about tidying up morning dishes making the bed and then packing clothes. Not knowing where we were going and or for how long you can imagine the difficulties in packing. Well for me anyways that can be a challenge, as for my hubby I pack for him. Not that he can't pack....ah I won't even go there. Anyhow, it was mid morning by the time we had things in the truck Bert and included, all I knew was that we were heading north. Oops I tell a lie....hubby had called the Mayor of a little town called Port Alice to find out about accommodations and the likes. Figures, if my hubby is going to ask a question he goes straight to the head person to get the answers. So yes back to the truck and off we went.

Vancouver Island from one end to the other is approximately 600km and 35km wide. We live mid Island. To travel from our home to the most northern part of the Island which is Cape Scott would take us about 4 hours. Our destination was Port Alice, which is about 3 1/2 hours from our home. So here are some photos of our trip.....well Part l. As always you can click on the photos to get a larger shot.

As we decided to take Bert with us on this trip rest stops were frequent. Our first stop was a place called Denman Island rest stop.

To the left of that tall tree is Bayne Sound, there is great fishing, crabbing, oyster fishing and prawns. So if seafood is your thing that is a great place.

Another hour or so down the road or should I say up the road is a city ......yes a city called Campbell River. Campbell River boasts to be the Salmon Capital of the world....but then I have heard that of other areas on the Island, but suffice to say fishing on the Island is absolutely the best to be had. This shot was taken believe it or not from a pulp mill site, I was looking from the shore toward the casino, when a heron just so happen to perch himself on the pilon.

A little further up the road we came to a place as the sign says Seymour Narrows, the sign says it all, except the next photo really doesn't give you a good feel of what the tides would have been like.

You can see the tug boat pulling log booms through the Narrows a very tricky task and a job only for the very seasoned sailors. In this same area there is a place out in the narrows called "Ripple Rock". It was the largest man made "Non Nuclear" explosion. It was performed in order to deepen the Narrows for larger ships to travel. Now days large cruise ships use this passage on their way to Alaska.
This is actually a amazing feet. If you want to see some live footage of the blast you can go to YouTube and type is Ripple Rock Explosion and you will see actual footage of the blast. Simply amazing for the time 1958.

The next few shots are just scenic photos of the mountains and road we travelled making our way north. One of our most favourite shots was that of the elk I spotted on the edge of the road. You see signs of Elk on the road all over the island but my hubby who has lived on the island since 1996 his never seen any. So to spot these big guys was a real treat. When I saw them the funny thing was I yelled "moose". Now I know they aren't moose but that was the first thing that came to mind in order to capture my hubby's attention. His reaction time was awesome and was able to make a turn off and we drove up the road and I was able to capture this photo.

We finally make it to the sign telling us which way to go......


Well as you can see we make the left turn and off to Port Alice we go. I will leave you with this and post Part II entitled "On the Road to Port Alice".

Until then, happy trails to you!

Saturday Scavenger Photo Hunt

This weeks theme is "Spiral"
I had to think long and hard about this one. Then it dawned on me. Last spring I made a wreath for my door. I used a grape vien wreath to start. See how the viens spiral aroud to make a circle.

This was the finished product

If you would like ot join in on the fun please check out tnchick
Happy Hunting all!

And the weatherman says......

It's March 12, 2010. We haven't had snow all winter. Well at least not where I live. We have had temperatures as high as 16 Celsius. People have been walking around in shorts. The cherry blossoms are in bloom, the tulips and crocuses are rearing their heads, the garden shops are encouraging us to plant our late spring early summer bulbs. So wasn't I surprised when I came downstairs this morning to see snow falling. Yes snow!

I know my friends in the eastern part of the country are still experiencing the evil white stuff, but this is the first snowfall we have had in my area this year! Yes there has been snow on the mountains and skiing has been fantastic at our local mountain, it has over 500cm of snow!! Never understood why they didn't hold some of the Olympic events on that mountain....ah I digress.

So with camera in hand I went onto the back porch and started to take some shots of the white stuff...when what should I come upon but dear ol Robin Red Breast. He looked just as confused as I am feeling about this white stuff.I was suppose to go for my run this morning but even as I type this the snow is falling harder and the ground is getting whiter....I think I will have to just settle for going on my stepper. Happy Weekend to you all!

Courage.....

"What I am actually saying is that we each need to let our intuition guide us, and then be willing to follow that guidance directly and fearlessly."

~Shakti Gawain~

Have you ever been in a situation where you found yourself going against the norm, when you know it would be far easier for you to just go along with the crowd but your inner voice just wouldn't let you?

I have found myself in that position many times in my life and currently I am faced with a situation where I just can't follow the crowd. The crowd in this particular situation is my family.

Without going into detail let me just say that my family have been approached to honour a certain member. As a family we have discussed how we would like to proceed. I have voiced some concerns which have met with the ire of all the other family members involved. Try as I might I have been unsuccessful in presenting my position in such a way that they could at least understand my point. For clarity let me just say this is not a life threatening situation it's a matter of process. I feel so strongly about this, my intuition tells me I am doing the right thing. So why then do I feel like I should just cave in and just go with the flow. Why is doing what you believe to be right so difficult to do?

I understand my families position, but I believe their process is wrong. If I continue my stance I end up alienating myself and I struggle with this. Anne Wilson Schaef says " My intuition connects me with the voice I need to hear". I think she is right. I need to listen to my inner voice.

It's tough flying solo, but it can be so rewarding in the end.

Saturday Scavenger Photo Hunt

This week's theme is "Foreign"


This is a Clark's Nutcracker. My hubby spotted this bird at the front of our house in December. This bird is forgein to this area, so to be able to catch it on film was a real treat!

If you would like t join in on the fun please check out tnchick for all of the instructions

Happy Hunting all!

Something about me.....

Some time back I was tagged for this meme. I started it but for some reason never got around to posting it. It’s one of those memes that asks you to describe yourself in one word…..it’s not easy but here are my answers……

1. Where is your cellphone? In my knapsack

2. Your significant other? Handsome

3. Your hair? Short

4.Your mother? Amazing
5. Your father? Dapper
6. Your favorite thing? Adventure
7. Your dream last night? Didn't
8. Your favorite drink? Water
9. Your dream/goal? Contentment
10. The room your in? Office
11. Your hobby? Lots
12. Your fear? Fear
13. Where do you want to be in six years? Alive
14. What your not? Cruel
15. Muffins? Sure
16. One of your wish list items? Happiness
17. Where you grew up? Burnaby
18. The last thing you did? Drive
19. What are you wearing? PJ's
20. Favorite gadget? Zester
21. Your pets? Loveable
22. Your computer? HP
23. Your mood? Happy
24. Missing someone? Yes
25. Your car? Truck
26. Something your not wearing? Socks
27. Favorite store? Le Vi En Rose
28. Like someone? Many
29. Your favorite color? Red
30. When is the last time you laughed? Today

31. Last time you cried? Yesterday

If you would like to play along, please just copy and past and let me know you played so I can come and visit. Have a great day!!

You decide......

Is there anything wrong with wanting to do better? Be stronger, to be able to speak your mind without fear of repercussions, to strive to achieve your physical best...to set goals? What if your goals are unrealistic should you still attempt to achieve them? Case in point....you've wanted the body not so much of a super model but one of those females you see in the ads, the woman with the long legs, the curvaceous body...the picture perfect smile. You strive your whole life to keep fit, to obtain that body...but at one point your boobs are to big or to small, your waist is to thick, your hips have seen better days and your tummy that you so want to be flat has this sort of ski hill thing going on, and yet you still strive to have what you believe to be a perfect body. Is that unrealistic? I'm thinking maybe it is.

I have never been content with my body....I have struggled my whole life with my weight and appearance..it was all about if you looked good then you were successful....successful with friends, with the male counterpart, and often job opportunities. I grew up in a family of 12 children I was the youngest of 6 girls...I had all my sisters to watch go through life's challenges. My sister closest to me seemed to always coast through life, she was prettier, smarter and have the gift of the gab. She always had boyfriends, the nice clothes..she got almost any job she applied for, she is extremely well spoke and has a photographic memory and absorbs things like a sponge and that has done her well in her life. She is one of those people who has really gone through life with a silver spoon in her mouth, and I strive to achieve that level of success.

When I think about it, I guess it's about how do we measure success? What is success for me maybe something completely different for another. Seeing as this is about me one area that I feel I was never successful at was my appearance....I wanted to be that girl that boys wanted to date, I don't know why it was so important to me...but for some reason it was. Today, I still struggle with the whole appearance and self esteem issues, and I think that is what it is about...self esteem....I measure self esteem with how I physically appear...if I look good then my self esteem is higher.....I have had periods in my life where I was told I was attractive..and was complimented on my looks. Today I don't feel that way at all. I have spent the last 5 weeks doing some very intense exercise program and I really haven't noticed any changes....I am back to running regularly...minimum of 5km at a time....but that doesn't seem to be helping me lose or tone my legs, or my tummy and my arms which I use to think were well shaped look flabby. Nope I am not a happy camper.

I realize I am not in my 20's anymore and my body doesn't respond like it did back then....but sheesh...shouldn't I be seeing some results....I feel like I look so dull frumpy and boring.....

My husband loves me just the way I am. He sees me more than just the physical, he sees the person inside. I on the other hand have difficulties seeing that person.

I know I am not alone on this topic. I work primarily with women. I would say half of them are on diets, it's actually getting rather nauseating hearing about all the diet plans, amount of water we need to drink blah blah blah. I think most of them look great and I wish they would just enjoy themselves. Sure there's nothing wrong with eating healthy and exercise that is important, but enjoying life is important as well. We do need to treat ourselves every once in awhile.

So where is the balance....I'm still looking.....what about you?

I Believe

So the 2010 Olympics are over. What a time, what an amazing experience for Canada and for Vancouver what a party! I have never experienced so much Canadian pride as I did during these Olympics.

"I Believe" was one of the Canadian Olympic motto's/logo. I certainly believe in how the positive emotions can be infectious. Hubby and I were able to make it to the mainland for a couple of days. We didn't have tickets to any of the events, but what we saw was amazing. I think we took over 600 photos. We were in awe of the crowds and how happy everyone was. The police were friendly, people were polite and helpful, the thousand of volunteers my sister, my girlfriend, and my brother just to name a few, all volunteered to help out at the games. They tell me it was an experience they will never forget.

Some of the international media seem to take any opportunity it could to lamb base Vancouver and it's inaction in certain events. Case in point. I heard that British news was saying that Vancouver was having all these riots. Yes there was a few protests, and unfortunately a few rebel rosers broke some windows. But, I have to tell you, they were a small group, never once did I see a fight or anything that could even resemble a so called riot.

That's the Olympic Cauldron behind me. See all those people. Folks lined up for hours to get a shot of that thing.
Here's a little better shot of the Cauldron....see all the people....oh my goodness, and nope no riots here....
This is a photo of just some of the crowds working their way towards that Olympic Cauldron. It was something I will never forget again. The street vendors were selling and trading a variety of pins, and again, I never saw any thing close to rowdiness or riots.

Police officers from all over the country came to help out with the security of the Olympics. I took this photo as one of the officers was from my husband's hometown of Hamilton. I thought that was cool as well, that they wore their own uniforms, again it showed a united Canada working together to make this a enjoyable event for the world to enjoy! They "Believed" as well.

The Olympic Clock near Robson Square

This caught my interest, Samsung I gather was on of the Olympic sponsors but the critters on the side are the Olympic Mascots. I thought it was cool how they projected these images on the building.

Some very friendly and kind police officers taking care of this rowdy Olympic fan
Downtown Granville street wall to wall people and not a fight or riot in sight.

Yes I believe that a city the size of Vancouver can hold an international even such as the Olympics and welcome the world. I believe that it was a great success, I believe that this is a memory and experience that I will never forget.

I want to thank all of our international guests for behaving themselves and for making these Olympics so enjoyable for all.

Saturday Scavenger Photo Hunt

This week's theme is "Daily". What an interesting choice, what are somethings that I do daily, or see daily, or experience daily...hmmm let me see......

One of the things I see "daily" are birds at my feeders........

Another thing I do "Daily" is talk to my hubby about plans and every day stuff, he is my best friend and I get to be with him "Daily".

I get the"Daily" enjoyment of being around my favourite dog Bert

There are so many things I do on a "Daily" basis, but the most important thing of all, is that I get to be mom to my three wonderful daughters!

If you would like to join in on the fun please check out tnchick for all the instructions, happy hunting all!

Camera Critters.....

A few weeks back a couple of friends an I went snowshoeing up at Mt. Washington on Vancouver Island. It was a glorious day. Sun was shining, fresh snow on the ground. The local birds were in abundance and didn't seem to afraid of coming down to say hello......

We had some nuts which they seemed to really enjoy. These birds are called "Whiskey Jack's".

If you would like to join in on the fun please check out Misty's Musing and My Dogs keep me Sane if you would like to join in on the fun!

Camera Critters

One early morning in July, I was getting ready for work. I went into our poweder room to put on my make up when what do I see out of the corner of my eye, but this little guy.....you can imagine my startle....but he stayed there long enough for me to get a few photos....I guess that is one of the things I should expect living in the country and leaving my window open.....I remember leaving a little note for my hubby that we had a guest in our powder room and that if he felt so inclined he could ask the guest to leave ......

If you would like to join in on the fun please check out.....Misty Dawn at
My dog's keep me Sane for all of the instructions.

Happy Weekend to you!

Talking about what matters and what you want......

Back in 2008 I made a post about "Advance Directives". In that post I talked about the importance of planning for what you would want done if you were given a terminal diagnosis.

In that post I mentioned that our Health Authority had put out a series of pamphlets entitled "Advanced Health Care Planning" They were a series of 4 pamphlets. The first pamphlet Planning Fact sheet; is used as a tool to help the individual plan for advanced care and talking to the family and health care provider about their wishes. The second pamphlet dealt with CPR and what that means and the benefits and risks. The third asks you to look at how much health care you want. It describes 4 different levels of care, Comfort, Limited, Surgical or Intensive Care. The final pamphlets talks about feeding and for some that can be one of the most difficult topics to discuss. In light of what is currently going on in my family it seemed like an apporiate subject to talk about again.

The other day when my mother and father in law returned home from their trip to the cancer agency they discussed with us what the oncologist had to say. One of the topics MIL mentioned was "Palliative care". When I heard her speak those words I thought, thank god someone had the wisdom and foresight to brooch this sensitive topic with them.

I was a palliative care nurse for 5 years. I was so please to hear that MIL was open to all the program had to offer.

Palliative programs help not only the patient, but they help the families deal with end of life issues and how to help the individual deal with medical or emotional issues that they may be faced with during their journey.

One such issue that my MIL might be faced with is that of oxygenation. With the cancer being in her lung she will come to the point when taking a simple breath will become a struggle. In order to help minimize this discomfort she will be entitled to receive home oxygen and oxygen therapy at no cost to her or the family. The Palliative care program picks up the cost.

For someone who has to deal with knowing their time is limited, the last thing they need to worry about is the financial implications of receiving such treatments. Knowing that things such as this will be taken care of provides a certain peace of mind and can allow the individual to focus on what truly matters to them at this point in time.

Palliative programs provide such a valuable service to the community. The program is headed by physicians, pharmacist, physio and occupational therapists, registered nurses, pastoral care, and even provides for alternative therapies such as music, pet, therapeutic touch and so much more. This program provides an opportunity for an individual to stay at home for as long as they like and can manage. It also provides an opportunity for respite for the caregiver.

There are so many wonderful services that this program provides, and I am so thankful that we have that available to my mother in law, and that she is receptive to becoming part of the program.

If you would like to learn more about Palliative care programs here are a few links.....

Canadian Hospice and Palliative Care Association
Health Canada
Cancer Research UK what is palliative treatment
The National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization

Is it really necessary?

The other night hubby and I were watching TV and a program came on. It started by showing women is quasi football uniforms. They were wearing those really short shorts, crop tops and had belly jewellery and of course lots of makeup. They were pretty scantily dressed. playing what looked like touch football. I said to my hubby that I found it offensive and got up and started to walk away, when he told me it was a CSI show. REALLY? You could have fooled me. As a result I haven't watched a show since. I digress.

Seeing those women dressed as they were got me thinking about women and sport. For some reason it seems women need to show as much skin as possible to get the masses to watch our sport. Case in point, women's beach volleyball and tennis. I remember a few years back and the whole hoopla about the women having to make their already skimpy beach volleyball uniforms a little leaner. That just didn't seem right to me. Of course much dialogue went on about it, but in the end the promoters got their way and the women had to make their uniforms leaner.

Back to the CSI and the football...why did these women have to wear those outfits? If it was truly meant to be a sport, why then weren't they covered as completely as their male counterparts? Do they think women don't need the extra coverage? That we don't deserve the protection that the extra padding would provide us? Can you imagine seeing a NFL player running around the field in little shorts and a cropped jersey? I don't think so...it just wouldn't happen. So why then is it alright to expose all of the female body?

Don't get me wrong, I am not a prude and I believe that if a woman has a body that good, she has the right to show it off if that is what she wants to do. But to use the female body to sell a sport to me is just wrong, and it detracts from the women as athletes. These women have worked hard and it is that hard work that has resulted in theses women having the sculpted bodies they have. I ask you aren't women athlete's as worthy as their male counterparts to be taken seriously for what it is they bring to the sport? Being appreciated for the expertise they bring to the sport and not just their bodies.

When I was searching the interent I came across this:

"Olympic beach volleyball uniforms: Why are the women wearing bikinis?

I've been watching both men's and women's beach volleyball and can't for the life of me figure out the practicality of the women wearing the skimpy bikini outfits. As a woman who has worn a bikini or two at the beach, in the sand, I am looking at them and thinking it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. I'm just imagining them spending hours digging sand out of the nooks and crannies after the matches, thinking about 'sand burns' and other various hazards from being barely covered. If this is the optimal performance uniform, why are the men not shirtless and in Speedos? I have to wonder if the women are just flaunting their perfect bodies and 6-packs of abs and whether it's merely part of the beach culture rather than a requirement for the sport."

Men and women's uniforms for beach volleyball

What's your thoughts?

My day at Mt. Washington

Yesterday was one of those bonus days. Yes a bonus day. The weather hasn't been the greatest, mild, raining and dark. Sounds like a typical winter day around here. Yesterday was a day off for me, so there's bonus number.

Next, at work a few colleagues and I had planned a cross country ski or snowshoeing day. Not many people signed up. Actually I think there were only four of us and one of them forgot she had to work. So with the numbers being so low I didn't think the last two remaining individuals would want to go. However, one of them still did as did I, so the plans were on. We had been watching the weather reports for the snow conditions and road conditions. Mt. Washington was getting a huge amount of snow. The forecast and conditions were being rated excellent for all Nordic and skiing activities.

It was decided that my friend would drive. Her cousin also decided to join us. So here is was Tuesday morning the sun was shining there was a little crispness in the air, it was fantastic conditions. My knapsack was pack, and I mean packed, I was dressing in layers and had extra clothing stuffed in the bag, along with my safety stuff, you know the plastic bag, wooden matches, flash light, first aid, water, fruit and snacks...yes well I might have gone just a tad overboard, but as the girl guides motto goes "be prepared" and prepared I was.

Waving goodbye to my hubby we got into the car and headed north. A pit stop to the local coffee bar was our first stop. With lattes and coffee and treats in hand we started our journey. The mountain is only about an 1hr and 20 mins from where I live. However, as we were deep in conversation we missed our turn off. We had to travel another 15 mins north before there was a spot where we could turn around. Oh silly ladies. I said to my friend, we'll just put that down as part of our adventure.

We finally made it to the mountain. It has been years since I have snowshoed as was the case with my companions. So we ventured off to the lodge were we filled out all the necessary paperwork and then were fitted for our shoes. I was made the trail breaker as I was bigger than my two companions, hey not fair I say, and I was the oldest to boot! Anyhow, after a brief descriptions of how to put the shoes on and a talk about the trails and where we could go, we ventured out.

We made a few stops along the way to take in the sights and were in awe of the complete silence there was, except for when we were visited by these lovely little creatures.....

I believe these little guys are called Whiskey Jacks. They were friendly enough, but they knew exactly what they wanted and kept flying down at us...we decided that maybe we shouldn't encourage them any longer and after another photo op we decided to continue on our journey.

My snowshoeing buddies.

this is one of those photos you take the camera and just shoot...I think it turned out pretty good. I think it really captured the moment.

So off we went, trail blazing. We came to a fork in the path and came across our first snowshoer's. We asked them about the trial they were just coming off of, and they said it was very pictureque but it is about 11km round trip. Oooooooooooh....I don't think we were in for that, at that point we had already been on the snowshoes for over an hour, so we decided that would follow the trail for 1/2hr turn around and make our way back via another trial, and that is exactly what we did. It's a good thing we didn't go much farther as there were lots of hills and some challenging areas that really got the ol cardio going.

this was part of the trial we took going back to the lodge.

this view is looking out towards one of the chairlifts for the downhill skiers
We made our way to the lodge and the older gentlemen offered to take our photo

This week Olympic Nordic teams for Japan, Sweden, USA, and Norway are here practising for the Olympics. I don't know what the problem is with our Olympic Organizing committee. Why on earth haven't they changed venues for the snowboarding and put it at Mt. Washington. There is NO snow at Cypress!!!! They are planning stock piling it and making snow....doesn't that seem odd to you when we have this!

Life is a gift........

It's interesting how life plays out sometimes. Just when you think things are moving along nicely you get sideswiped when you least expect it.

I haven't been blogging as much lately for a variety of reasons, and I honestly can not remember if I have shared certain stories or not. So please bare with me if I repeat myself.

Last spring my mother in law and I had a bit of a falling out. Long story. In the fall I decided that life was to short to allow time to be wasted on being angry with someone. It was October and it was coming up to my hubby's birthday and his parents had invited us over for dinner to celebrate his birthday, how could I not go, it was hubby's birthday after all. So I decided to put on what I call my "big people pants" and suck it up. Well, I guess that was the best thing I could have done as mother in law and I made amends. It actually ended up being a very lovely evening. Once home my hubby said to me that was the best gift he could have asked for. That made me happy.

Since that time we have enjoyed many dinners and outings with his parents. One such outing was taking his parents out for dinner to celebrate their 55th Wedding Anniversary. This was a special time not only we were celebrating their anniversary but the shear fact that my mother in law was still with us and doing well.

Let me back things up a bit here. Last December my mother in law had been diagnosed with Bowel cancer. She underwent radiation and surgery. Her recovery was a little longer than anticipated and there were a few bumps in the road, but by the spring of 2009 she was given a clean bill of health. Things were looking up.

That all changed on December 22, 2009 our lives took a turn. I had been working, and when I got home from work my hubby told me that he had been on the phone to his dad and that mom had been unwell all day and asked if I would call them, I did. We had a lengthy discussion on the phone and I gave her a few options. She opted to wait till the next morning and I would take her into work with me and take her to the ER department where she could be looked at. A plan was in place. It wasn't an hour later that we got a panic call from dad stating that mom was in severe pain. We rushed over. There she was sitting in a chair, ashen, cool and looking very unwell. My mother in law has diabetes along with severe coronary artery disease. I checked her blood sugars which were high as was her blood pressure. This woman was in acute pain. I called an ambulance. Living in the country it took longer than normal for an ambulance to arrive, but arrive it did. She was assessed and then taken to the hospital.

Once in the ER she was quickly triaged and put on a monitor, her blood pressure was through the roof. She was in severe pain. The doctor eventually came and saw her, ordered her some narcotics. Bloodwork and a chest xray were also ordered. We waited patiently at her bedside for results and what would be the plan of attack. Mother in law having finally received something for pain was sleeping. The ER doctor came and asked to speak to FIL, hubby and I. She took us over to an area where she had MIL's xray's up on the screen. She asked us how long we had known about the mass on her lung and liver. ????????????. We had no idea!!!! We were dumbfounded, how could this been. According to the ER doctor the mass on MIL's lung had been there since last year when she first had xrays when she was being overseen for bowel cancer. NO one told us about this. The mass on her lung had tripled in size and was of great concern. Basically, the ER doctor was telling us MIL's prognosis was extremely poor. The ER doctor could see we were all shocked and took us to a quite room where both hubby and father in law proceeded to break down in tears. How could this be? Why didn't we know? What happened, what does all this mean? All the questions and no answers.

Mother in law spent the next couple of days in the hospital. The pain they believe she was experiencing was not caused by the masses they saw but rather she had passed what they believe to be a kidney stone. Had it not been for the acute situation we wouldn't have sought medical attention and who knows how long it would have been till we found out about the masses. There is another story here which I will share at a later date.

As a result, Christmas was very somber. Hubby rounded the troops and told them they better drop what they were doing and plan on seeing mom over the holidays as this may be her last.

We made the best of the Christmas season, many stories were shared, there was laughter and tears and quiet moments of reflection.

Mother in law has had numerous tests since Christmas with the final diagnosis being poor. She and father in law will being going to the cancer agency this week to speak in person to the oncologist to determine course of action. Mother in law has already said she won't do Chemotherapy and she has been told that she is not a surgical candidate do to her co-morbidity's. So whether they offer her palliative radiation I am not sure. She has no pain at present, but the oncologist has told her she will and that they need to plan for that. She has an excellent relationship with the oncologist, to bad we can't say that for her GP, as I said the situation with the GP is a whole other post.

We are trying to make the best of the situation. Mother in law has already given us her "Bucket List" which isn't very big or daunting, but something we can be working on.

I know first hand what it is like to lose a loved one. Having lost both my parents, a sister a niece and nephew, I understand the emotional pain my hubby is experiencing and the journey he is travelling. But I have difficulties comprehending what my father in law is experiencing. I can't imagine the pain he must be feeling...the woman that he has loved for over 55 years...the woman who has bared his children, the woman who has been by his side and encouraged him and supported him in his life endeavours is now dying. Oh my heart aches for him. I pray that he finds comfort and that peace is by his side.

Sleep such wonderful slumber......

So it has been another sleep deprived night. I was so looking forward to a good nights sleep. Tuesday was a 16 hour work day, and Wednesday I didn't get home from work until 0700 Thursday morning and had to be back at work by 4pm that day. Needless to say I was looking forward to some much needed sleep.

Being a shift worker I realize that the world doesn't work on my schedule. Hence I have invested in a night mask and ear plugs. My hubby who is self employed works and sleeps at all hours, and has the luxury of making up his own sleep pattern. Hubby is a night owl. I believe this is partially due to the fact that often after dinner he will fall asleep on the couch for 2-3 hours. So by the time I am ready to go to bed he is just waking up and is rejuvenated. He then will stay up till 4 or even 5 in the morning, which is fine by me. Here is the problem. My dear sweet hubby is like a bull in a china shop. When he comes to bed he doesn't enter the room or bed quietly, not intentionally of course but all the same he is noisy and shuffles about ALOT before he finally goes off to sleep. Well by this time I am now awake. I don't have to get up yet, but my sleep has now been disturbed. I attempt to fall back to sleep only to be awoken by the roar of snoring. Oh yes, this man can snore. He snores so much that he can be heard a floor down and on the opposite side of the house.

So, my resolve has been that I get up, pillow in hand and make my way downstairs to the couch and try to get some more sleep. I will if I am lucky dose off for a little while, but then dawn approaches and the room becomes light and the day begins, whether I am ready for it or not.

I have been cursed with being a very light sleeper, and being a shift worker doesn't help. My sleep schedule and pattern is often all messed up. So what do I do? We have talked about separate rooms, but he won't hear of it and I really don't want to go that route, although we kinda unofficially have that going on right now. I think my hubby might also suffer from sleep apnea. I have asked him to go to his doctor to get checked but he won't go because if he does he says he doesn't want to use the CPAP machine.

Here I sit, making this post whilst he is upstairs snoring away having a wonderful sleep. I have to work again this afternoon, and I had all these things I wanted to do today prior to going to work, but I am now feeling sleep deprived and don't have the energy. To be perfectly honest, I think I am a tad on the cranky side.

So I ask you what's a girl to do? What would you do?