Is there anything wrong with wanting to do better? Be stronger, to be able to speak your mind without fear of repercussions, to strive to achieve your physical best...to set goals? What if your goals are unrealistic should you still attempt to achieve them? Case in point....you've wanted the body not so much of a super model but one of those females you see in the ads, the woman with the long legs, the curvaceous body...the picture perfect smile. You strive your whole life to keep fit, to obtain that body...but at one point your boobs are to big or to small, your waist is to thick, your hips have seen better days and your tummy that you so want to be flat has this sort of ski hill thing going on, and yet you still strive to have what you believe to be a perfect body. Is that unrealistic? I'm thinking maybe it is.
I have never been content with my body....I have struggled my whole life with my weight and appearance..it was all about if you looked good then you were successful....successful with friends, with the male counterpart, and often job opportunities. I grew up in a family of 12 children I was the youngest of 6 girls...I had all my sisters to watch go through life's challenges. My sister closest to me seemed to always coast through life, she was prettier, smarter and have the gift of the gab. She always had boyfriends, the nice clothes..she got almost any job she applied for, she is extremely well spoke and has a photographic memory and absorbs things like a sponge and that has done her well in her life. She is one of those people who has really gone through life with a silver spoon in her mouth, and I strive to achieve that level of success.
When I think about it, I guess it's about how do we measure success? What is success for me maybe something completely different for another. Seeing as this is about me one area that I feel I was never successful at was my appearance....I wanted to be that girl that boys wanted to date, I don't know why it was so important to me...but for some reason it was. Today, I still struggle with the whole appearance and self esteem issues, and I think that is what it is about...self esteem....I measure self esteem with how I physically appear...if I look good then my self esteem is higher.....I have had periods in my life where I was told I was attractive..and was complimented on my looks. Today I don't feel that way at all. I have spent the last 5 weeks doing some very intense exercise program and I really haven't noticed any changes....I am back to running regularly...minimum of 5km at a time....but that doesn't seem to be helping me lose or tone my legs, or my tummy and my arms which I use to think were well shaped look flabby. Nope I am not a happy camper.
I realize I am not in my 20's anymore and my body doesn't respond like it did back then....but sheesh...shouldn't I be seeing some results....I feel like I look so dull frumpy and boring.....
My husband loves me just the way I am. He sees me more than just the physical, he sees the person inside. I on the other hand have difficulties seeing that person.
I know I am not alone on this topic. I work primarily with women. I would say half of them are on diets, it's actually getting rather nauseating hearing about all the diet plans, amount of water we need to drink blah blah blah. I think most of them look great and I wish they would just enjoy themselves. Sure there's nothing wrong with eating healthy and exercise that is important, but enjoying life is important as well. We do need to treat ourselves every once in awhile.
So where is the balance....I'm still looking.....what about you?
