James Dean......
and The Rat Pack............
all have in common?
Give up.....it was a Zippo lighter... Yes they all used a Zippo lighter in their movies and in their personal lives.
Do you remember Zippo lighters? These movie idols somehow romanticize the art of smoking a cigarette...Humphrey Bogart as he pulls out his Zippo from his long trench coat pocket....offering to light Lauren Bacall's cigarette. Oh yes it was all so sultry and romantic wasn't it. It was common place in those days to not only smoke on the movie set but in the movies. You certainly don't see much of that anymore.
These lighters are still very popular and are quite a collectors item. Apparently you are considered cool and in vogue if you have a Zippo.
So where am I going with this. Well my hubby and I found out the other day that his boys step dad bought both of the boys ages 13 and 15 Zippo lighters. Now these are not your Bic $1.49 lighters....I'm talking lighters that start in the $20 -30 range and up....So my question is why, why would he buy the boys these? I mean what are lighters used for.....lighting a fire, lighting a candle, lighting cigarettes or recreational drugs. So being teenagers I'm thinking what would the need be for one of these? I don't support them smoking cigarettes or recreational drugs.....I am certain that I wouldn't want them starting any fires unless we were having a campfire...and if that were the case I certainly would have an alternate lighter for that...and again as for lighting candles...well I am pretty darn sure they wouldn't be out there lighting candles....so I ask the question again....why would they need one of these lighters?
I am upset about this.....hubby thinks I am silly. He said he had one when he was their age....and I said yeah...that was because you were smoking...is that what you want and besides...you bought it yourself......their step father bought these for them.....that is just wrong. Again, my hubby thinks I am making to much out of it. Maybe I am...but my gut tells me not.
These two young lads like to play with fire...they like to see things melt...they like to light fires....as far as I am concerned they are a tad over zealous about fires.....my antennas go up.....but hey....I am just the step mom....their overly protective mother obviously doesn't think there is anything wrong....the father and step father don't seem to think there is anything wrong...guess it's just me...I must be the nut ball in this situation....One of my brothers had an interest in lighters and fires when he was little...you know what happend....he ended up burning down the family home....my parents lost everything....my mom ended up running out of the house dragging four children.....my other brother ended up burning down the stairwell in another, all because of his infatuation with fire and lighters. I would hate to see this happen to my step sons. The only reason we found out about these lighters was because while youngest son was taking to my hubby on the phone his youngest son was yelling at his brother about lighting and flashing his Zippo lighter at him. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.......
I guess this is another one of the Venus and Mars things. You see I never raised boys....I had three girls....they weren't into Zippo's or lighting fires. My eldest and middle daughter are no angels they do smoke and I believe my middle daughter did own a Zippo at one time until it got stolen...but she was 19 and bought it herself. Lesson learnt. My sixteen year old doesn't smoke and has never tried to smoke...it's not her thing. So the question again...why?
As an adult and if your were a collector or something like that fine...but 13 and 15 years old....hmmmm. I just shake my head....and write a post about it...because this is one battle I will not win, nor will I attempt to put on the table....I write about this more so for me to vent frustration because I don't understand...and like me I always want to know what others would say or do.....
So readers.....what are your views....
18 comments:
I would be FREAKING OUT! There is no reason for boys that age to have a Zippo lighter. If they need something to light campfires with, there are those long-handled butane clickers to use. To me, this is courting trouble. But then, I'm just another mother who came from a family of 3 girls and had 2 of my own. What do I know?
Well, here's a comment from a mother/grandmother who grew up as an only child. Don't think any of that has any bearing, overall, on my thoughts on this but since you mentioned this stuff in your post and Leslie mentioned it in her comments, I figured I'd toss it into the mix. That being said, and even though I still smoke (yes, no lectures please, I give myself plenty of 'em already on the habit) and sometimes think I single-handedly keep the "click a bic" folks in business, I see no earthly need for two teenage boys in that age range to have ZIPPO lighters! Later in life, should they become collectors -I do know they are a highly collectible item - that would be a different ball game altogether, but at 13 and 15 -no dice in my book! Invitations are being sent out with gold print for an invitation to disaster!
I'm with you on this Mary Anne. If they were grown men and got them for a collectors item, that would make sense, but not at their age and certainly not with their history of being infatuated by fire.
I just recently gave my son his grandfathers (my Dads) Zippo lighter to keep. he is 35 years old and my dad has been gone for 18 years.
My son also had a liking to fire when he was little. He burned down my mom and dad's garage, and thank goodness he ran out of it when the fire started, or he may well have been killed. but that was when he was 9 years old.
I can't see any reason for those young boys to have Zippo lighters.
I don't have any children so I don't know if my answer to your question will have any merit at all but I definitely would not give children lighters or even pockets knives at that age. I see kids behind buildings because they are "bored" literally trying to burn things down. How many times have the fire department been called to abandoned buildings because kids have been seen running from them because they were seen in there playing with fire. I don't care about the building but the risk these kids put upon themselves of dieing and even those that may be around the building or those that fight the fires as well.
Hi Mary Anne, I can see where you would be upset, after your brother did what he did to your house as a child!!! I don't smoke, but used to watch adults flick their Zippo lighters when I was growing up..whether it be lighters or matches,all can be dangerous!!!
But being the step-mom, you are at a disadvantage. I was a step mom to two kids when I married my second husband and you have to go with the flow to keep peace in the family..take care. hugs, Baba
Buying the boys a lighter is just downright stupid and asking for trouble in my view! Men don't have any common sense or sense of danger where children are concerned.
I am totally staggered Mary Anne, like you. I realize that your reaction is coloured somewhat by your experience with your brother but none of us have that and each of your commenters is with you all the way.
With any luck, they will put them in a drawer once the novelty has worn off. You can only hope.
Sometimes men don't have a clue, do they? Meaning step dad.
If they were 21 then that would be fine, but isn't illegal for kids their age to have lighters? Kids that age can't go into a store where I live and buy lighters or matches because it's illegal.
It is a rather odd gift isn't it. I can't think of any reason for giving something like that to a teenage boy. I think I would call him and ask him what he had in mind when he gave this gift. Then I would ask him to ask for the gift back and explain to the boys why it was a poor choice.
Before I get any children any present I always ask the parents if there something that wouldn't be allowed for them to have. I knew one family wouldn't let there children have trolls because they look at it as "idol worshiper".
Now back to lighter. I real don't think I would bought any one a lighter.
Maybe someone who collected them.
Well I would suggested that the lighter to be put some were safe and they aren't allowed to carry them.
But when there special time to light a fire such as the fireplace, campfire, burning brush, burning end of cut rope to stop it from fraying or etc.
There a lot your boys could do with their zippo lighters.
But under supervision.
Coffee is on.
Well I thank you all so much for your comments....but my hubby still doesn't agree...he asked me if any men had responded to my post...I said not yet...not sure what that is to mean....he says it's just a guy thing...I said to him, I still don't understand why they need them...he said I don't understand and that we wouldn't agree on this....I guess partially because they are not my biological sons....I told my husband that those lighters would be confiscated if I saw them out and being used irresponsibly. He said that the boys are not here...we don't know how they use them or what restrictions have been placed on them. Well based on the eldest boy flashing his lighter at his younger brother that would tell me little restrictions have been put on them.
My husband was burnt severely as a child...not because of a lighter..but he got burnt....almost died....so I said to him...you know what it is like....why are you so casual about the use of these things...again he said, they are boys...that is what boys do...and that we don't know how they are using them.
I think I really have lost this battle....it's hard to parent or give direciton when they don't live with you...and only being a step mom...so I think I will just shut it......I find this sad.
I don't get this at all. I would be very upset. I had a lighter when I was a teen aged girl in the early 1970s, and I smoked, but I hid it from my parents even back then. I wasn't allowed to smoke. I find it hard to believe there is any reason to have a lighter if you don't smoke. You burn your hand lighting candles (or I do) with a lighter. Matches are much better for that than a lighter. Fortunately, I finally stopped smoking and I have matches for candles and for fireplace but no reason for a lighter. I just don't get it. Seriously, I can't imagine any reason to give a teenager a lighter.
That's terrible about what happened when you were growing up with the fire. I have a friend whose son left a candle burning in his room and it caught the curtains on fire and burned down her house. Fortunately, they got out safely but that's my story about a teenager and fire. It terrifies me.
Carver...thankyou for your comment....my husband had a zippo as well when he was young and he smoked...I don't know if his parents knew about it or not...hubby says we don't know how his boys would be with them...I said it's about safety...ensuring that they understand that these are not toys and should be treated with respect(with regards to safety). He said if the boys were here and had them he would ensure they new when to use etc and the safety aspect and if they faultered they would be taken away. But we don't know what has been said to the boys with regards to these. I think he is going to talk to his boys about this, acting responsibly. Which is good. But it still doesn't answer my question as to why...why would they need them in the first place...it truly is a Venus and Mars thing.....and I guess I will leave it at that.
You are over reacting
I had by age 13:
- Several knives
- lighters
- matches
- bb gun
If your 13 to 15 year olds arent responsible enough to have a lighter then their is a parenting problem. Do you let them cook? Do you let them do chores? Use cleaning agents such as 40 1or bleach? All those things are dangerous if used improperly too and if you don't let your children use those things then your not preparing them for life.
Scott
All kids, even men, like fire, but need to learn to be responsible with it.
It is my opinion that everyone should pack a lighter of some sort. Get stuck somewhere on a cold night and it may save your life.
I'm with you Mary Anne, giving a child an expensive lighter is completely inappropriate. Even a child who is an experienced, responsible outdoorsman should not own one of these lighters.
In my mind, zippos are for cigarettes and the like. Step-dad may as well have thrown in a pack of cigs to go with them as in my mind, a gift like that is giving them permission to smoke.
My husband, his friend and his friend's teen-aged son all agreed, a zippo is not appropriate. So there's 3 more male perspectives in your favour!
Seems an odd thing to give a couple of kids. I agree with Lisa, a cigarette lighter, and that is what it is, is for lighting cigarettes. Dumb thing to give the boys. Did you ask hubby's step-dad why he bought them Zippo lighters?
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