A morale dilemma

This picture was taken last spring...The boys first visit. Isaac is the one on the left. The boys were 12 and 10 at the time.

I was chatting with my step son Isaac online today. We were talking about his father's blog. You see, his dad has just started blogging as a way to journalize his life experiences, some good some not so good.

Anyhow, Isaac highlights a part of his father's blog that he tells me he liked the best. Here it is:

"The court battles ensued. Thousand upon thousands of dollars were spent trying to get her to bring them back. My finances ran out and so did my strength to fight. I regret that to this day, that I gave up the battle. I regret it because I feel I didn't give up on me but on my boys. It devastated me to this day."

I was astounded that this was what he choose. Out of all the things his father said, he choose this segment. It made me cry. I was thinking , maybe it was this, that provided some clarity for him. Something that made sense to him out of all that had happend. He tells us his mom still speaks unkindly about his father, and still doesn't tell him the truth. I try not to get into that with him. I was not on the scene when his parents broke up so I feel I can not comment on things that I am not privy too. That is not my place.
My place is to let him know that I love him very much, to be there and to talk to him whenever he wants to chat. I just want him to know he is so very loved out here and that our door is always open to him. He tells us that he would love to be back here. He says this is still home to him. I love that kid.

His father asked him if his mom had seen his blog. Isaac said no. He didn't want her to as a matter of fact he tells us that he wipes out all of his IM conversations because his mom's boyfriend checks his computer.

This presents a morale dilemma for me.

As a parent, we want to make sure that our children are safe and aren't going to any illegal or controversial sites. But what about his privacy? Where does that come into play here? Do children have rights to privacy? For example, when my girls kept journals, they would leave them laying about, there would be times I did feel tempted to read them. But I couldn't, I couldn't read their journals. I believed that as a parent is was my responsibility to attempt to keep lines of communication open. Let my girls know that I was always there for them. I would often ask about their day, who they were hanging with, what was going on at school, who was dating who. All that kind of stuff. I am sure to this day that there are things they have kept from me. But I always trusted them and they knew it. And I respected their right to privacy.

So, if Isaac is chatting with a friend online talking about how he is feeling, do we as parents have the right to violate that privacy? I don't know....I honestly am having difficulties answering that one. If I acknowledge that IM conversations can be construed as a form of journalizing then do I have a right to read his IM conversation? My gut tells me no. But then as we all know if you put something on your computer you run the risk of it becoming public property.

So, here is what I am thinking. I think his mother's boyfriend should ask permission to see his computer. He should make him very aware what it is he is looking for. Isaac if he so chooses should be present when the boyfriend is checking his computer. If it is websites the boyfriend is checking up on, then that should be it. He shouldn't have carte blanche to check his personal emails or IM conversations at least not without Isaac's permission. I believe there should be a trust factor. I think that if they knew Isaac well enough that it wouldn't even be an issue.

I don't know. I am no expert here and I am sure I have made my share of parenting mistakes. I would love to hear what some of you have to say about this.