A day that is difficult to forget......

Today marks a special day for me. It's a day that presents me with a mix of emotions and for some reason has been on my mind all week.

Year ago today and actually just about the time I am making this post I was been wheeled in to an Operating room to undergo a procedure. This procedure although not uncommon procedure is considered high risk and runs the gamut of possible complications.

Prior to the surgery the surgeon went over the possible complications and had me sign a consent.

So the day for my surgery arrived. I and my hubby and girls were all up early that morning 4:30 as we had to be at the hospital by 0600. My girls and husband were joining me for my trip to the hospital. Upon my arrival I was seen almost immediately. I was directed where to undress and change into the traditional hospital attire. I was then seen by the admitting nurse who reviewed all pertinent information she took my vital signs, and directed me to where I would wait to be taken into the OR. I kissed my hubby and daughters goodbye and told them I would see them in a few hours....that was at 0715 in the morning. Then off to my stretcher I went.

I was seen by one of the surgeons and he marked the spot where I asked to have my new pacemaker installed....next thing I knew I was being wheeled into the room. What an eerie feeling....I wasn't afraid....not at all....but I was curious as to why there were so many people in the OR room. I guess they sensed my surprise and I was informed that the nurses and such over on the other side of the room were preparing the instrumentation just in case it was needed. Oh I said and then I proceeded to climb onto the OR table. There they started to attach me to a variety of machines, but the best thing I remember was the wonderful warming blanket they put on me....then the anesthesiologist arrived and poked my arm and all I could remember was the discomfort of her starting my IV....funny typical nurse....critiquing even at a time like this.

Next thing I recall was waking up, still being on the ventilator....my hubby was at my beside, then what seemed like only moments to me(those drugs are amazing) they extubated me from the ventilator. It was then that I started to feel my pain. My chest hurt more than I had anticipated....I was connected to so many machines.....I looked down at my chest and pointed and then up at my husband and I pouted he nodded he knew what I was trying to say. The unexpected had happened.

Apparently during my surgery, whilst they were attempting to extract one of my pacemaker leads they tore a whole in my aorta which necessitated them having to open up my chest to repair my heart. There was considerable blood loss and I had to have transfusions, I was put on medications called inotropes which helped to keep my blood pressure up. My two hour surgery ended up being over 5 1/2 hours.

Needless to say my family was very worried and wondered what was happening. After the surgery my husband told me the surgeon came looking for him....the surgeon told him he wanted him to come to his office, where he proceeded to tell my husband what happened. When told my hubby started to cry. What we prayed wouldn't happen happened. Just my luck.

The first 48 hours are a bit of a blurr. I just remember the pain, oh and the nurses of course. My night nurse was just amazing. She treated me with such respect and kindness, she was my angel. She got me through my first 24 hours and for that I will be truly thankful.

I was in for a very long journey for recovery. But I wasn't going to be deterred. My surgery was on a Thursday and I was discharged home by 5 pm on the Monday. I remember one of the instructions upon discharge was to keep moving, try to walk every day...and so I did.

We spent the next couple of days on the Mainland at my sisters as I wanted to be close to the hospital just in case. Our day came to take the ferry back to the Island and what a trip that was. Every bump and sway caused pain in my chest. We arrived home and the next day it began to snow....so my walks ended up being an adventure. My first day out for a walk my daughter took me holding my arm for support....I made it up the hill of our driveway and back....and I was exhausted. Each day I would push myself a bit farther. One day I pushed to much and hubby had to come out in his truck to pick me up....I just couldn't make it any further.

Today, a year later, I am back running, working full-time and preparing for Christmas. I still get tearful at the events of that day and how close I was to things turning out completely differently. For that I am thankful for each breath I take, each pain I feel, because at least if I feel the pain, I know I am alive. I try not to take life as serious, I am learning to smell the roses.

My chest, 6 week post Lead extraction and open heart. When looking at the photo the scar on the right is where my new pacemaker is, the scar in the middle well needless to say that is where the opened my chest...the scar on the left was were my old pacemaker use to be.

You know I look at the photo and I think, hey that's not so bad....at the time I thought it looked like a very bad Van Gogh painting. All the sutures and staples that were in there...it was a bit Frankenstein looking. It has healed well and for that I am truly thankful!