Is there anything wrong with wanting to do better? Be stronger, to be able to speak your mind without fear of repercussions, to strive to achieve your physical best...to set goals? What if your goals are unrealistic should you still attempt to achieve them? Case in point....you've wanted the body not so much of a super model but one of those females you see in the ads, the woman with the long legs, the curvaceous body...the picture perfect smile. You strive your whole life to keep fit, to obtain that body...but at one point your boobs are to big or to small, your waist is to thick, your hips have seen better days and your tummy that you so want to be flat has this sort of ski hill thing going on, and yet you still strive to have what you believe to be a perfect body. Is that unrealistic? I'm thinking maybe it is.
I have never been content with my body....I have struggled my whole life with my weight and appearance..it was all about if you looked good then you were successful....successful with friends, with the male counterpart, and often job opportunities. I grew up in a family of 12 children I was the youngest of 6 girls...I had all my sisters to watch go through life's challenges. My sister closest to me seemed to always coast through life, she was prettier, smarter and have the gift of the gab. She always had boyfriends, the nice clothes..she got almost any job she applied for, she is extremely well spoke and has a photographic memory and absorbs things like a sponge and that has done her well in her life. She is one of those people who has really gone through life with a silver spoon in her mouth, and I strive to achieve that level of success.
When I think about it, I guess it's about how do we measure success? What is success for me maybe something completely different for another. Seeing as this is about me one area that I feel I was never successful at was my appearance....I wanted to be that girl that boys wanted to date, I don't know why it was so important to me...but for some reason it was. Today, I still struggle with the whole appearance and self esteem issues, and I think that is what it is about...self esteem....I measure self esteem with how I physically appear...if I look good then my self esteem is higher.....I have had periods in my life where I was told I was attractive..and was complimented on my looks. Today I don't feel that way at all. I have spent the last 5 weeks doing some very intense exercise program and I really haven't noticed any changes....I am back to running regularly...minimum of 5km at a time....but that doesn't seem to be helping me lose or tone my legs, or my tummy and my arms which I use to think were well shaped look flabby. Nope I am not a happy camper.
I realize I am not in my 20's anymore and my body doesn't respond like it did back then....but sheesh...shouldn't I be seeing some results....I feel like I look so dull frumpy and boring.....
My husband loves me just the way I am. He sees me more than just the physical, he sees the person inside. I on the other hand have difficulties seeing that person.
I know I am not alone on this topic. I work primarily with women. I would say half of them are on diets, it's actually getting rather nauseating hearing about all the diet plans, amount of water we need to drink blah blah blah. I think most of them look great and I wish they would just enjoy themselves. Sure there's nothing wrong with eating healthy and exercise that is important, but enjoying life is important as well. We do need to treat ourselves every once in awhile.
So where is the balance....I'm still looking.....what about you?
6 comments:
I'm learning daily, while living with my mom, that your body isn't your brain.
I truly believe that no one truly gives a shit about how another person looks, ego, is an evil thing. We use ego to measure that's all, and it's all pointless in the big picture. Trained behavior, hum, I think so.
Break the chain that binds you.
I almost hate to respond here. In fact, if you hadn't written such a darned good post about this issue, I probably would have read it and then, just said "Good post" and blown by then. Probably still should do that but I can't. Hopefully I won't write a book in your comments section now too though.
Self-esteem is a very raw subject for me -always was, still is -all my life! Appearance -arrgh! In younger years, I was of average build -today, I am fat. No, I am obese and yes, trying to lose weight per doctor's orders mainly to get cholesterol and sugar issues reined in. But I've always been very self-conscious about my appearance and it was/still is mainly about things that growing up, out of my control range. I needed braces -badly -but no money available as a kid for orthodontics. As a younger adult, money was still an issue plus, rarely back then did you see adults wearing braces either. Today, with false teeth, I am still self-conscious because they make the maloclusion of my lower jaw much more noticeable than ever before and of course, money is still the big factor, just as before. So many things over the years seemed to just compound, add insult to injury. I had ability aplenty -that I knew -but appearance often (I felt) stood in the way of my being hired for better jobs at times. I needed more training -went to college, got a degree late in life and then, more disappointment on top of previous stuff, which compounded my self-esteem/ego issues as I couldn't get a job -couldn't have paid someone even to get an interview much less hired -within my field. Relationships -especially with men -dismal failures too. It's taken me close to 60 years of living to get somewhat accepting, a bit comfortable within my own skin and at 65, no I'm not there yet -far from it -but at least I have eliminated the relationship issue from being a problem. I stay to myself these days. Enjoy my grandkids, do my embroidery, read and content myself pretty much with that as I do know that I don't have to have a male beside me to make me complete! Score me something for that one anyway but it took a long, long time to get to that point in my life.
I'm loud, obnoxious, opinionated, blather on and on when I am nervous too much of the time so I am much better off with a more reclusive lifestyle today. JMO on how I contend with those issues now and often wish I'd done that years ago -could have eliminated a whole lot of hurts along the way.
Janet and Jeni....thank you for your wonderful comments.
Janet I would have to disagree, I think people do think people give a shit about how another person looks...I've seen it, I've experience it. I wish it wasn't so but it is.
Jeni, I don't believe I need a man to make me complete...most certainly not. With that said, I do enjoy the company of a male that being my husband. When I was newly single after almost 25 years of marriage I was fearful of being alone...it seemed that most men were looking for the younger women..what chances did I have. Again it was proven to me that looks did matter. As a society we put great pressure on looking good...look at all the ads, we aren't suppose to age, were suppose to use creams to hide the wrinkles, or get a boob job or tummy tuck...oh the list goes.
The one thing I am learning is that to be truly beautiful on the outside you have to be happy on the inside...and that is the journey I am working on now.
I have always had weight issues, even when I was at my perfect weight I still looked in the mirror and saw 'fat' when everyone said I had lost too much. I've never gone to the extremes of anorexia or bulimia though thank goodness but yo-yo dieting has been a way of life. I don't think anyone is truly happy with everyting about themselves are they?
Unless you tackle what is happening on the inside nothing you do on the outside will work for long. A comment made by a co-worker some time ago... "Don't let the pretty face fool you, she's as hard as nails." finally woke me to the fact that I had to start loving myself and with that everything else fell into place, I felt better, lost some weight but also accepted who I was, warts and all and the most important thing because I was loving myself I was able to love others and they me!
Great post!
Smiles
It took me a long time after my husband died to come back to the belief that I was worthy of being loved again. I'd gained a lot of weight but managed to get rid of most of it - for myself to feel better physically and mentally. But I still struggle with the saggy skin, more and more wrinkles, and keeping the grey at bay. But now that Lorne is back in my life, it's even better than when we were younger because we see the person "inside" rather than the young gorgeous body on the "outside." As he says, "We're not 10's anymore, but what the hell..."
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